he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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