So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
