Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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