i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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