it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
