I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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