i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
