Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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