But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
