Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
