Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Jerry, you need to find god
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
