he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
