I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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