My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
