i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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