I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
