Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
