nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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