question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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