Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
