I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
