Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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