that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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