Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
