Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
