Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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