moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
