Your dad touched me again.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
