Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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