im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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