Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
