I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
