I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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