She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
