I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
