When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
