____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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