I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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