ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
