i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
