No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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