he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I came so hard my ears popped.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
