# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
