just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
