Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
