She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
