i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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