Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
