you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
