i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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