just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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