literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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