Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
one might say we're banned from that church
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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