I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize