Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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