Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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