Can Purell be used as lube?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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