peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize