Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
