You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she told me i tasted like america
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
