Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
