he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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