He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
