tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
