this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
