Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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