I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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