Yo dont text me then not text me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
