So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
