shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize