She is in my trunk
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
