shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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