Your tits are I can't wait for
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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